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A problem resolves itself in proportion to the quality of its description.
The Person I Saw From Afar
I have seen a person from afar. Or rather didn’t ‘see’, as it often is these days.
All these great leaders of nations you see on TV – you will never see her be.
She is in the realm of magic, but since magic went out of fashion, she exists in no realm.
I have seen a person from afar. Or was she near? It’s hard to tell these days.
All the songs that sing of beautiful things, they didn’t sing of her.
Once there were ten millionaires – inexpensively, she gave something to expensive for money to buy.
I have seen a person from afar – when people spoke of technology, science and new things – their minds were to small to gasp her into view.
A person who can’t be seen.
A person who can’t be heard.
Would you believe me when I told you I once saw a person from afar?
The Nurture of Perfection
In a perfect relationship, small impurities and annoyances always seem to creep in eventually.
The first instinct is to just push them away and forget about them.
The correct way to deal with them, however, is to deal with them. The reason for that is that they like to grow in the dark, acquire friends and stick together to make a huge problem that may become big enough to break the relationship.
The second one is that if you pretend that the problems don’t exist (or even if you fail to notice problems as they are arising), pretending that the other person is something he isn’t, you may as well draw a stick figure on paper and be in love with it. The partner, if you keep making him something he is not, is, after all a fabrication of your mind in that case.
Therefore, someone should try to find what annoys him about the other person as soon as possible, and resolve the painful part of it with the love and joy that a perfect relationship has plenty of. And really, almost all serious relationship are perfect when they are new.
I Hate School
1. One reason why I hate the current education system is because it often punishes with no reason.
People without external support (or people whose supposed support – teachers, parents, classmates are even abusive) may get punished by bad grades or being expelled for something that they actually wanted and tried to do right with their whole heart.
I think teachers should be mindful that one instruction that may look to be the same for all pupils is actually perceived quite differently by each of them, and is of different difficulty for each of them depending on their capacity, background and interests and environment.
This is why it was deemed impolite to keep asking people around you for small favors that don’t mean much to you, from the beginning of time in our culture already. It is assumed that the school system is not subject to this, but i want to argue it is.
Something that seems small to one person may actually cause a big hassle to another. This is why many cultures evolve into praising behavior that is helping, and frowning upon behavior that is needy.
2. Let me close this by a story i heard recently, maybe some readers may link to the correct story; i will tell it as i remember it.
A monkey one day decides to organize a race. All animals are invited, and there is a big price to be gotten by the winner, for a small fee to enter the race. The rules will be known in time, and will be the same for everyone.
Animals from far and near gather for the race – hippos, horses, dogs, snakes..
Then the rules are announced: “The one who shall climb the tree the fastest will be the winner”.
The Challenge
1. When young, we like to prove ourselves to the world. It is nearly irrelevant who the person we prove ourselves to is.
‘Look mommy what i did.’ ‘ Wow, you are awesome indeed.’
Then we get to know our first friends, and the number of people in our social circles increases. At this point we start to evolve to thinking that hey, those guys are actually full of shit, they have no authority to judge me! These people don’t know what they are talking about, i’m not going to associate with them.
Our environment is putting us through a kind of test – are you good enough? Sometimes, we succeed, sometimes we fail; often, we dismiss the system. It is irrelevant what someone who doesn’t really know anything about a topic thinks about your knowledge of it.
There are valid reasons to consider some examinations invalid. It is reasonable, that through life more and more things turn out relative and shallow, especially when we are looking intentionally into such things. But never to expose ourselves to authority we consider valid is some kind of cowardice really. It is something that causes our knowledge and vitality to regress.
The more the trivial things we dismiss, the happier we are. At least until we stop pushing ourselves at things that actually meant something to us. At this point, instead of life becoming richer, it looses some of its vibrancy.
This is a problem common with many old people. It prevents people to look out of the box and causes them to become in a way ‘rusty at life’.
We all know people that seem old even when their age is not even that old. Even if magically they turned young-looking suddenly, they would still have that grumpy old feel to them.
We also know some people whose bodies and id’s clearly show their age , but retain this kinda youth, vitality. Often, these people work into their old age, and keep up to date – with people around them wondering – what in the world is pushing them?
This is a consequence of a lifetime of careful weighting of personal priorities against one another. Such people know why they are doing what they are, even if the reason only makes sense to them. They haven’t given up when they were afraid or obstacles arose, because they knew that whatever actually happens, they are working at things that matter to them.
This is as opposed to people who found themselves in the wrong place, and tried to get out using someone else’s dream. We all know such dreams, they are advertisements, whether they are a product of a company wanting to sell you something (e.g. having a Yacht) or are subtle pressures of society (e.g. being generous). Such people tend to give up on life – ‘It is always going to be like this, why bother’, and stay dormant in a state of semi-contentment, always with the lingering feeling of something not being enough. After they get old, society gives them this excuse, and they take it with delight – “I can’t do anything anymore, i’m too old”.
They are bored, but will not do things. They are sick of their environment, but they will not change it. They can’t.
2. This is a point where many people get thrown out of balance. It is easy to get swayed by opinions and advertisements.
People buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like.
Clive Hamilton
There is a balance between a trivial busy life and paralysis in fear of failure. Where are you at?
“Don’t Know” is an Answer; the Root of Anxiety
Warning: Long article, get some coffee.
Nervousness comes from trying to forecast the future. The brain only has information about the ‘now’. It can make a general trajectory to the past and future based on present observations and data from our memory.
Because of us, people, having a extensive, though hidden from consciousness, memory – we have a ‘past trajectory’ that is better then the ‘future trajectory’. Our past consists of a large amount of low-quality data, since most of us don’t have a photographic memory, but still keep a respectable understanding of what has happened to us. Due to this, we sometimes expect to estimate our future better.
The best (in terms of quality) information available to us about the future is the ‘now’.
Sometimes our data is insufficient to produce a good estimate of the future. We cannot produce a good enough guess of what is to happen to us. Inside, we may feel a certain lack, emptiness, a void. Our ‘function’ is not defined in this area, we cannot get a result.
This is usually a momentary experience. Our brain will quickly start to gather more data from its environment. Maybe we can do something else, in a different way? Yeah, my boyfriend doesn’t want to see me (void experience here), but i know the shop next street will be open only for a few minutes, surely i can get a tub of ice-cream to eat tonight if i hurry enough? Quick, i need to find my keys, there’s my money – oh and i need to call a friend i told her i would show her a movie…
This void thing is all only a feeling, and is as such not dangerous to us. But it is something we, people, will go to great lengths to avoid, sometimes in silly and unreasonable ways, as in the above given example. It is on the other hand, a reaction that keeps us alive, since going the other way means death. Surely we have known someone who temporarily or permanently chose the wrong direction, and instead of running away from it, jumped into the void. I lost my car keys again, i am always loosing things, i cannot do anything right.
The other way is a that of a person who is sad, grieving, or in the worse case even a person with depression. Especially in the later case, their main problem is to get out of their cycle. This is why telling depressed people just to lighten up will not work – their brain for some reason refuses new information to avoid the issue; not getting out of something is their main problem. The issue with their car keys is real, eating ice cream will not work to solve this, as the keys will still be lost. The little silly mechanism of the mind that gives us the impression that eating ice cream makes the lack of a person in our life less relevant is broken.
But what happens when there is simply no way to get out of a situation, distract ourselves with something else, but we still want to get out of – that is, make our future known and predictable to us enough to be in control?
There are two possibilities.
As i have said before. The feeling of emptiness, by itself, is not harmful to us. We experience it, some things come up and give us more data about our world, and this is how it all ends. We go on about our lives.
But what if we keep pushing it, even though we know nothing new about it?
Yeah, i don’t know how i should tell my boss something, so what do i do? The brain replies nothing. I ask again, What do i do? No reply. What the fuck do i do? Nothing still. WHAT DO I DO, FUCK, WHAT? {}. With enough motivation, we may consciously or subconsciously do this to ourselves for hours. You may imagine, as it is quite logical, that in some time, the thing will no longer be about ‘I kindly need to do something’ to ‘AAAARrRRGGG$#3##$$!!!?!!!!!!’. That is, a feeling commonly known as anxiety.
Putting more energy into trying to forecast something will only result in overwhelm.
Swaying away from my topic, as every good SAR dog handler knows, if you push too hard on the dog to find the missing person in a place where there is actually nobody there – the dog will eventually bark or signal that the person is there even if they aren’t.
And this is exactly what the human brain will do, and it is called creativity.
When our boss told us something in a slightly annoyed way, we were concerned, but how do we come from that, to anxiety, to panic, overwhelm, fear?
This comes from a mix of void with creativity. See, the brain got pushed into a corner by its owner, it knows the owner will keep pushing it, so it just makes something up. The brain knows the topic is ‘unpleasantness’. So how do you make someone shut up on this topic? You reply with fear, panic. If they didn’t pull away before, they will now. The way your brain worked when you were playing the ‘What do you think of when i say x’ with your friends works here, and it works exactly in the same way. You feel ‘unpleasant’, the brain thinks up ‘bad’, then thinks up ‘worse’ to that, then what do you think of when i say the word ‘worse’? Well, horrible maybe? And instead of in words like the game is usually played, the brain has no issue of playing it with its owner in feelings. It is the same thing, it is fun (no one is making you do it, you are still there, you must think it to be fun or else you’d surely leave \sarcasm).
When you badly wanted to do something before, instead of acting, now you are paralyzed with fear. It was a slight feeling of insecurity that got a sweet topping of human effort and creativity. We didn’t want to feel the uneasiness, so we got panic; feelings know how to make themselves felt, if at least partly. This cannot be avoided. The funny thing is, you may not even feel that afraid, its just when you want to do that thing. Such feelings can be very strong, but by our efforts they stay in the darkness. The problem with this is, when they are not addressed, they tend to grow. They never become strong, but in a certain situation the uneasiness always pops up for some reason.
This is also why young people tend to be more active in their choices, in business or such – through our lifetimes, we accumulate and fail to ‘clean out’ (that is, experience completely) many such feelings.
Our circumstances may only hit us with a kind of pain. It may be physical, emotional.
On the other hand, feelings of anxiety and fear come from within, they are our own production. To be afraid, we need to know something about the thing we are afraid of. Naturally, we are fearless, we only have reflexes of avoidance (or attraction, or dismissal). If you don’t believe it, observe very young children. They pull away. They don’t go “shit what if this-n’-that is going to happen to me”. They cry because they are cold, not because they are afraid of becoming cold. You cover them with a blanket, and they stop crying. Fear and its relative, anxiety, are fabricated feelings, and can be undone. Firefighters respect fire, but don’t fear it. Doctors take measures to prevent infection, but they don’t wake up during nights in fear of a virus. Step-by-step those emotions about something are constructed, and they are deconstructed in the same way (and the same amount of effort is required).
To deconstruct a feeling, we will have to experience all the components we have built up. Trying to avoid feelings is basic human suffering.
If we don’t know something, writing out the ‘don’t know’ in larger letters will not change the meaning. It is the same with our experiences. What we need to do to find an answer, is acknowledge the problem, but then really do something else.
The ‘How To’
The painful yearning of being in love is usually just a sign that one needs to take one step forward in trusting the other person.
Often, that one must do what is forbidden or impossible – and thus prove it otherwise.
Questions, Answers, Improvement
I.
Some books contain questions, some contain answers. Reading one with answers to a person without a question will leave him disappointed. Reading one with questions to a person full of them will make no change.
They will be asking themselves “When does the author shut up already”?
The one is not better then the other. We make use of different kinds at different times in our lives.
Kinda like kids – suddenly a child is all questions; or sometimes they just keep telling and showing you stuff you don’t really care about. They intuitively know how growth, learning and improvement is done. Adults should learn from them.
To often, people push the question kind of book on others, telling them it is art or faith.
To often, people push the answer kind of book on others, telling them it is science.
But they are really not apart from each other: human experience is both art and science – first, it is great to come across a great question; then it is great to come across a great answer. Both are equally needed for us to improve.
II.
If you look at the design of most textbooks, you will see how they try to force this process (which is not bad in itself, since it makes people learn fast). They include both the question, and the answer. If the problem is not specifically posted, the titles are usually actually questions. For example, they will say: Principles of Biochemistry; meaning “What is it, that Biochemistry is based on? What concepts will i find most often in any problem in the field?”.
The many people having problems focusing on their schoolwork (or people who tend to worship “experts” too much) should try this if they don’t do this already – make the title into the question. It may often make the answer more intuitive and easier to learn.
Times of Slavery
Once upon a time, if a person was born a slave, he would prepare dinners, clean the rooms, take the kids to school. It would make for a better environment for him and his master. Slaves grew food and helped repair things. Their life was that of a slave, but somebody got something out of it. Occasionally, even though they were slaves, their work was appreciated, and some of them were freed.
Todays wage slaves don’t have it this awesome. They work in factories, where they produce chemicals and knickacks. For a bowl of food a day, they work their lives off for fake plastic fish and fake shitting pigs.
Who cares for that? Will they ever be made free men because someone will appreciate their work enough as may have happened to some slaves in the past?
Don’t waste your money on enslaving people, and making their lives so purpuseless. Be mindful of the things you buy. With money comes power to buy objects that further human knowledge (like buying a new computer), creativity, or just waste human time and life. With money, you are likely making people do what they really don’t feel like doing. Be kind, make their (and possibly your future) work worthwhile and appreciated.
zacione 